theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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