I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize