Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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