yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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