so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
