can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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