Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
