We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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