If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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