i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
