Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
