it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
