We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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