his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
