i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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