he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
