As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
