Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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