wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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