What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
