Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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