Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
