Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
