If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
