I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
