just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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