I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
