I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
