every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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