Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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