We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
