after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
