Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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