I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
