you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
