Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
