I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
