Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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