I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
