Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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