she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
