i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
