she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
