He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
