I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
