he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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