I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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