pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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