dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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