dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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