I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am naked and annoyed.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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