She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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