i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
