So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
