Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
