the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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