I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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