I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I have vodka in my lungs
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize