where am i from again
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
