he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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