So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
