guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
