Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize