Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
