i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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