Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize