3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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