I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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