Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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