I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
