I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
