There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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