im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
