Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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