Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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