My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Did you pee in the oven last night??
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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