At least make sure they are 18
Why
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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