Duck Duck Cougar?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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