being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize