honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
