me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
