we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
my poor anus
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
